lwint

Here is the link to part 1 in case you are not familiar with my story. https://lw1nt.blogspot.com/2023/01/and-thus-we-grew-apart.html The revelation may surprise you. After acknowledging that I couldn't love anyone as deeply as I loved her, I mustered the courage to return and confess why I had left her. I had also made the grave mistake of being unfaithful, all in the hope of finding someone better. Surprisingly, she forgave this transgression, driven by love, and chose to stand by me. Although the shattered glass of our relationship could never be seamlessly mended, we did manage to reconcile after a month-long separation. I learned my lesson on not to get deluded on temporary mirages and she also learned hers not to choke me with the demands. We made an agreement to share everything, even if it led to heated arguments. It was during these moments that we both confronted a harsh truth we had ignored for years. I believed she was overly demanding, requiring daily calls and constan...

Yeah, we are all familiar with that nasty feeling of being a survivor in dire chaos. Leave alone the countrywide turmoil; even being a comparatively successful one amongst your relatives could give you extra burdens and responsibilities. Since my country fell into the military regime in 2021, almost every friend of mine has been rebelling against the brutal oppressions of the junta. Some abandoned their lifelong dreams; some have lost their families; some are now missing body parts; some lost their dignities, and some were traumatized beyond repair. Plus, some are not even alive now, and worse, some are now nowhere to be found without a trace. Amidst all these chaotic conflicts and sacrifices, I am still clinging to a fairly-paid job with an excuse to provide for my family, making lame justifications of supporting the revolution regularly despite knowing that I could contribute more. One friend who threw away his successful business and joined the revolutionary force once said, 'It...

All those fancy topics we used to discuss like "imposter syndrome," "mid-life crisis, blah blah" could never hit harder than an actual incident, directly slamming at our faces, no matter how small it may be. Despite reminding ourselves how everybody on earth operates with their own clock rhythm, suppressing the insecurities we acquire from comparing our achievements and failures with others, there comes a time when we want to smash our own clocks for being so incompetent. We often say, "Slow and steady wins the race." But when things become excessively steady, we start feeling the lack of enthusiasm in our daily lives. Our run-of-the-mill tasks become boring, and our daily conversations turn meaningless. What am I living for? Humanity? Society? My family? Or is it even for my very self? The moment we begin second-guessing the path we've chosen, we fall into an endless pit of despair. "Are we working to live or living to work?" I tried to pond...

Despite not being a serious believer, I genuinely believe that it is our guilt that drags us down, not our sins. It would seem easy not to dwell on something and just let it go. But the hard part is that guilt is recognized by our subconscious mind, where our consciousness seldom notices its existence until we hit rock bottom in our darkest pits. "Ahh, I should have, I could have, I would have" kinds of thoughts will finally reveal themselves to give us a hot welcome in there. When I left my hometown five years ago, I told everyone, including myself, that I was chasing a dream I longed for - an advanced career leading to a stable life that could satisfy my family and my girlfriend. I believed that all my actions and choices were based on fulfilling my ambitions. Yet, I failed to realize that I was just a wanderer who was traipsing aimlessly in a lost land. I deluded myself with lame subterfuges like "I could become stable when I get there, when I get these degrees, when ...

In the past, my usual nightmares were about losing her. Reality itself was the solace after, by telling myself that nightmare doesn't matter. Yesterday night, I dreamt about her. She was with me together, vividly without a blur. She said yes even before I could kneel down, her smile shone brighter than a star in the white gown. Reality itself became a nightmare, memories of losing her drove me into the endless despair. Hoping is the thing I now do best, that the time would stich all my wounds back. LWINT

"Remember fantasizing about the good old romance novels we used to read as adolescents? Happy endings, like 'He kneeled down under the horizon and she said "Yes." They married and lived happily ever after.' It was never that hard for us to get married happily. The thing that always made us hesitant in saying 'Yes' or kneeling down was the doubt of 'what comes after it (the marriage)?' There was a boy and a girl who came from different backgrounds with different ambitions. The boy wanted to run free like a dog through the spacious fields, while the girl always dreamed of a settled and fulfilling life of a successful marriage. Compromise? Of course, they did. The boy decided to pursue how to develop a business, and the girl let him run loose sometimes to give him freedom. But, yes... that 'but,' which always leads to all the unwanted things after it. The boy left her and their hometown to chase the compromised dream. He worked as a regular s...