Yeah, we are all familiar with that nasty feeling of being a survivor in dire chaos. Leave alone the countrywide turmoil; even being a comparatively successful one amongst your relatives could give you extra burdens and responsibilities.
Since my country fell into the military regime in 2021, almost every friend of mine has been rebelling against the brutal oppressions of the junta. Some abandoned their lifelong dreams; some have lost their families; some are now missing body parts; some lost their dignities, and some were traumatized beyond repair. Plus, some are not even alive now, and worse, some are now nowhere to be found without a trace.
Amidst all these chaotic conflicts and sacrifices, I am still clinging to a fairly-paid job with an excuse to provide for my family, making lame justifications of supporting the revolution regularly despite knowing that I could contribute more.
One friend who threw away his successful business and joined the revolutionary force once said,
'It is not that I'm throwing away everything I've built. It's just a temporary sacrifice since I am confident enough in myself that I can regain these successes whenever I want to. But, now my country needs me more.'
Yeah, it must be true. The reason I am still clinging to this job, position might be that I am feeling like I am in a position I do not deserve, and I might not get this chance again if I throw it away. Deep down inside, this feeling of incompetence sucks.
The joke is, despite knowing that I am just a coward who cannot contribute effectively to the revolution, I sometimes get caught up in first-world problems of not having a good internet connection, enough money to party or travel, and the weather being too rainy to go to the office (what a joke, huh!). And deluded myself that I am dealing with tons of difficulties.
Even now, here I am, a pathetic crybaby who is wallowing about how guilty I am feeling for being a survivor. LOL... what a joke.
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