And thus, we grew apart 2

Here is the link to part 1 in case you are not familiar with my story.

https://lw1nt.blogspot.com/2023/01/and-thus-we-grew-apart.html

The revelation may surprise you. After acknowledging that I couldn't love anyone as deeply as I loved her, I mustered the courage to return and confess why I had left her. I had also made the grave mistake of being unfaithful, all in the hope of finding someone better. Surprisingly, she forgave this transgression, driven by love, and chose to stand by me. Although the shattered glass of our relationship could never be seamlessly mended, we did manage to reconcile after a month-long separation.

I learned my lesson on not to get deluded on temporary mirages and she also learned hers not to choke me with the demands. We made an agreement to share everything, even if it led to heated arguments. It was during these moments that we both confronted a harsh truth we had ignored for years. I believed she was overly demanding, requiring daily calls and constant attention to feel loved. On the other hand, she perceived me as overly dramatic and weak. Then, all those heated quarrels escalated into explosive screams, with words sharper than knives, cutting into each other's hearts and souls.

Yet, our story mirrored one of our favorite songs, "but we know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs, That we'll have each other's backs 'cause we're that lucky". Despite hurting each other in every single fight, we still chose to stand together because we loved each other that much. However, there comes a point where this immense love becomes but a small drop in the vast ocean of life.

We attempted to rekindle the flame by celebrating our 8th-year anniversary in our hometown. Taking leave from work, I eagerly traveled to meet her. We engaged in deep discussions, believing that everything would eventually fall into place. But fate had a different plan, and it manifested on a fateful day, merely a week after our anniversary.

Yes, she made that call to break for this time. She started to accept that her business-oriented mindset could not align with my adventure-driven approach to life which would prioritize going around the places instead of establishing a successful business. Once in the past, she decided to go against her conservative family with the faith that she could shape me into becoming a successful businessman. But, after my betrayal and my revelation of feeling suffocated due to her pushes, she finally decided to relinquish that dream of being together.

"Even if you could only earn a third of my income by selling dried fish or clothing in a faraway land, I would have supported you, believing you were striving to establish a business. But now, after years of working for humanitarian organizations without making an effort to build our own venture, I'm exhausted from carrying this burden alone. I still love you, but I don't know where to place you in my heart. Let's embrace the love we share, yet let it slide. Let's revert to being good friends and part ways," she declared that gut-wrenching announcement during a random evening call. Her voice quivered slightly, but her resolve was evident. I begged, I wept, I begged again but she remained resolute as an immovable mountain.

Even after the breakup, she continued to call me at least two to three times a day as a friend to discuss our daily lives. It was then that I witnessed her newfound freedom, unburdened by the weight of a relationship dragging her feet down with a false hope. The truth, though painful, became undeniable.

And for the first time in my life, I am thinking of giving all my dreams up  and ambitions jus to be with her. Will I be happy without her? Will I be happy with her while all my dreams are abandoned? Which dream is more important, her or my ambitions?

I really am lost now.