"Remember fantasizing about the good old romance novels we used to read as adolescents? Happy endings, like 'He kneeled down under the horizon and she said "Yes." They married and lived happily ever after.'
It was never that hard for us to get married happily. The thing that always made us hesitant in saying 'Yes' or kneeling down was the doubt of 'what comes after it (the marriage)?'
There was a boy and a girl who came from different backgrounds with different ambitions. The boy wanted to run free like a dog through the spacious fields, while the girl always dreamed of a settled and fulfilling life of a successful marriage. Compromise? Of course, they did. The boy decided to pursue how to develop a business, and the girl let him run loose sometimes to give him freedom. But, yes... that 'but,' which always leads to all the unwanted things after it.
The boy left her and their hometown to chase the compromised dream. He worked as a regular staff in some companies, sending money home to his beloved girl to build their future brick by brick. The more they dived into the LDRS-life, the bigger the claws of their differences became, lurking in the shadows and crouching for an ambush.
As the girl came from an economy-oriented family with hell-strict family rules, she was never brave enough to break the chains of her relatives to be with the boy.
Leave the blame aside since the boy's income and explorer/adventurer type mindset were never enough to earn the girl's trust to face the other side of the world.
They tried every possible way within their limits to stick together without losing their own selves, but it was more like a pineapple and a durian hugging tight and not letting go of each other. Their spikes unavoidably stuck on each other, sharing the excruciating pain while bleeding each other's hearts out.
They both could not see heart to heart with all the problems they had been facing daily and caused some irreversible damage to each other, haphazardly.
The girl begged for a more caring manner, but the boy could not see it while he was stressed. The boy screamed for help, but the girl's plate was full of negativities surrounding her family.
Their belief of 'being together' started fading away into the cold, thin air of 'staying apart.'
The boy once said when they first fell in love, despite knowing it was a hopeless path, 'We are like a couple building a sandcastle on a beach. We may try to build the most glamorous one we have ever seen, despite the chasing tide coming gradually to wash everything away. We might lose everything when the tide comes, but our moment of being and building together will not be besmirched.'
Yes. Finally, the tide has come earlier than expected. It is called 'Time.' The boy started worrying about their future. The girl's age to get settled has already come. He called the shot to grow apart not to waste each other's time chasing an uncertain future.
The girl flew over hundreds of miles after hearing the breakup call from the boy to fix things. She cried and begged for the whole night beside the boy who was laying on the bed in a cold-blooded manner, whispering, 'I can't love you anymore.'
But wait! No one is that innocent in this world, right? Actually, the boy was also deluded that he could have a better partner than the girl after having flashbacks of the pains he suffered from his relationship. He decided to be with another girl he just met whom he thought (deluded) would be a better fit for him than his girl. Yes, the boy whom you assumed faithful committed such an unimaginable sin.
Deep down inside, he always knew that despite her unfathomable love for him, the pain the girl had to suffer to leave her family behind for him would damage her even worse than leaving him now, and it could break the girl one day. As a cheater (let's call him that, huh?), who thought someone would be better than his girl, he did not dare to open up and decided to stick with the "foolish break-up."
Yes, he broke her heart in cold blood but cried his heart out the moment she left his sight.
He muttered, "Don't forgive me, baby. I deserve every blame."
The break-up broke the boy's heart into pieces, but the worst thing for him was having to see his beloved girl begging and whimpering for him yet neglecting her every word in cold blood while being a cheater.
Let's call him "the coward" from now on.
This makes me recall an old poem written by Saw Wai.
"Baby........
I tried swimming across the river
but it was just a mirage.
I tried running towards you,
but I got not solid ground but the clouds.
Chasing without a goal of "Finished",
all I got was the crown of utter "Defeat".
Yeah, it was just that "Defeat",
but it was so pure that,
I couldn't help myself but to embrace it."
LWINT
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